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Note: This article has been transferred to our new site, at http://www.paliban.org/2009/01/18/token-black-guy-becomes-president/ . Comments have been closed on this site; please continue the discussion at the link!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Less than a week remains until the United States inaugurates Barack Obama as its forty-fourth President. Since the trend of including Token Black Guy first began in the film industry in the 1990s, it has quickly expanded into other industries, such as television commercials and interstate billboards. The country’s highest office is merely the most recent target of this politically correct policy.

This reporter went to Wasilla, Alaska to request comments in person from 2012 Vice-Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin. She was unavailable, but sources close to her asserted that she remained upbeat about her November election defeat, stressing the importance of unity.

Taking to the streets, I found residents eager to talk about the incoming President. “It’s a testament to the nation that a wealthy heterosexual Christian of any color can become President,” said a woman who would only identify herself as Edna. She affirmed that rather than dwell on trivial, skin-deep issues such as race, the nation should focus instead on promoting the eternal message of Jesus’ love.

Dwelling on the trivial race issue instead, Edna's friend Margaret Davison mused that “it’s actually kind of neat, since we don’t really get black men up in Alaska. You know, lots of white, really. White snow, white bears, White Castle. But black’s a good color too.”

While the role of Token Black Guy in 1990s movies was frequently to get killed before the cast ran out of white people, sociologists note that media from the present decade has tended to buck that trend. “From the consumption by dinosaurs of Samuel L. Jackson’s character in Jurassic Park, we now see African Americans on screen in situations which are designed to make their Caucasian friends look cooler than they actually are,” explained Prof. J. Howard, of the University of Chicago. “The popular TV show Scrubs is an excellent example.” Opinion is split as to whether Mr. Obama will simply increase the popularity of his mostly Caucasian staff, or provide cannon fodder for his white Vice President Joe Biden.

When questioned about the likely role of Mr. Obama’s race, Edna unpredictably dismissed the issue and addressed instead the importance of consolidating conservative values throughout the country. Alarmed particularly at reports that Mexico is becoming more Christian than the USA, she responded by reassuring followers that “Mexico isn’t better than us at anything.”

Note: This article has been transferred to our new site at http://www.paliban.org/2009/01/13/californicator-sells-daughter-into-marriage-outrageous/ . Comments have been closed on this site; please continue the discussion at the link!

Marcelino de Jesus Martinez of Greenfield, California was arrested yesterday for allegedly selling his 14 year old daughter into marriage to an 18 year old man, Margarito de Jesus Galindol, for $16,000, 160 cases of beer, 100 cases of soda, 50 cases of Gatorade, two cases of wine, and six cases of meat.

This is completely outrageous, and deserves the condemnation of every Christian from coast to coast. A man's relationship with his daughter is a sacred thing, so where does the California police state get off persecuting this godly man for arranging a marriage for his daughter on what I think we all must agree are very favorable terms? The Bible is crystal clear on this, a daughter is the property of her father.

Consider, for example, Exodus 21:7:

And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.

If a man can sell his daughter into slavery, then surely he can sell her into marriage, which is a far more desirable state of being!

We see the same principle in Deuteronomy 22:28-29:

If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife....

Clearly we see from the fact that that a rapist must buy the raped daughter from her father, that she is, in fact, the fathers property. And, lest anyone think this is simply an Old Testament rule, remember that, in Genesis 19:8, Lot offered his virgin daughters to men who had come to rape Lot's male houseguests, and the New Testament tells us that Lot was a righteous man (2 Peter 2:7-8):

And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds

In the long run, the only way to put an end to this unconstitional and unbiblical governmental meddling in places where it does not belong, such as the bridal chambers of 14 year old girls, is to support Evangelical candidates for office such as Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. But, until the day comes when Sister Sarah sweeps the liberals out of the Oval Office, we are going to use the courts to fight this unfair state intrusion into our private lives in the courts.

I hope that all persons who revere Jesus and the Bible will unite and to defend this man for exercising his God given right to sell his daughter's maidenhead to the highest bidder willing to take her as a wife.

Note: This article has been transferred to our new site, at http://www.paliban.org/2009/01/13/suze-orman-recovery-by-2015/ .

Comments have been closed on this page. Join the discussion at the new site!

Suze Orman predicts economic recovery by 2015, and offers her new book (free download! Oooo!) to help. Jesus predicts prosperity for all who follow Him, and offers His 2,000-year-old Book. Which do you choose?

I was cruising through the HuffnPuff Post today, seeing what the liberals are trying to soak us for now, and saw Suze Orman's blog. She predicts that Obama's stimulus package will work wonders, with people becoming hopeful about their portfolios by . . . 2015.

Yes, 2015. Six long, hard, lean years.

After pointing out that many people have false hope for 2009 -- the Dow dropping 32% in 2008, the worst year ever, doesn't mean there's anything to prevent 2009 from being as bad or worse -- Suze makes a prediction, and unwittingly provides us the answer to all our woes:

What is so important for you to understand is that there is no magic market wand you or I can wave to make this all go away. And I am so sorry to say that I think it is foolish to think that [Obama's] massive [socialist] stimulus package will be an insta-cure. I can only pray it will help, but recovery is not going to be quick and there are no easy solutions.

There it is, in black and white. "I can only pray."

God loves you, friend. He doesn't want you to be hungry and poor. He wants you to be happy and prosperous. In order to achieve this prosperity, you can take three routes:

• You can put your faith in the "financial experts" who got us where we are today. If this is the route you choose, I suggest you hustle on over to Oprah.com and download Suze Orman's new book, Suze Orman's 2009 Action Plan.

In a callous effort to boost her bloated name recognition even further, Orman is giving away free downloads of the entire book until January 15. 227 pages of Orman's shrill harping about debt and action plans and stretching your dollars and "People first, then money, then things". Yippee.

• You can put your faith in Obama's Socialist Utopia. Say goodbye to anything resembling free markets, take the Mark of the Beast, and trade in Obama Dollars.

There may not be much choice in accepting That One's plans; of course, you can refuse the Mark. But that may not be forthcoming for some time yet.

• You can put your faith where it belongs, in Jesus. Prayer. You can stop worrying about silly things like your mortgage. After all, He says He will take care of you!

Malachi 3:

10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

If you show your faith by giving back to Him, and by following each and every one of His commands, He will pour out His abundance to you!

Where God guides, God will provide. Is God not providing? That means you're not allowing Him to guide!

Are you unemployed, and on the verge of foreclosure or bankruptcy? God knows! Why, He knows more about you than that ARIA supercomputer in Eagle Eye!

Matthew 10:

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.

30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Don't curse your former employer for bad management decisions or poor investments. Stop whining about the freeze on credit markets making it impossible to sell your home. God isn't punishing you for someone else's choices! He's withholding provision from you because of something you are doing (or not doing)!

Take a close look at your life.

• Have you given your every thought to Jesus?
• Have you foresaken all those in your life who hate Him, even if they're your parents or your children?
• Have you obeyed His every command? There are over 600 in the Bible. God expects us to follow each and every one; disobedience is a sin, and any sin leads you to Hell.
• Have you even read the Bible? Have you meditated on it day and night? Or do you prefer the HuffnPuff Post?
• Have you tithed? That means 10% of your gross income to His work, friend. And let's not play that tax-deductible nonsense; if you're claiming a deduction and saving on your taxes, the amount you save should be part of your tithe! (Why, yes, we accept (non-deductible, to aid in your Salvation) donations using the PrayPal button in the right sidebar!)

Which will you choose? Will you put your faith in the likes of Suze Orman, who has created exactly zero universes in her short lifespan, or will you instead trust in the Creator of All, and let Him lead you, even if He means to guide you into homelessness and abject poverty to teach you to follow Him correctly?